(Originally published on my Facebook page September 12, 2018)
“Exposed"
Today I share a new sculpture, “Exposed” that is the most emotional piece I have created, so it comes with a warning. If you have a history of PTSD, abuse or emotional trauma, please skip this post unless you can read it while being protective and gentle with yourself.
It began simply as gentle curves based on a graceful neck and collarbone, but as I carved the neck, it looked so vulnerable, so exposed. My thoughts flowed, and that’s when the magic happened- physically it was in my hands, but creatively, totally out of my hands. Four straight hours later, the rough basic design was formed, and my mind was in a foggy swirl around concepts of the throat and exposure.
As an introvert, I know about feeling exposed. Our life needs of food, water and air pass through the throat. Physically one of the most vulnerable parts of the body, the throat holds one of our most powerful forces, our voice. The voice is such a powerful weapon for the powerless that it causes the most fear in the hearts of those with the most physical, emotional, political, financial and religious power. The most powerful have always tried to silence or control the voices of the powerless, dictating who may speak, vote, learn, where they may go, sit, eat, and what kind of art they may create. “Don’t express. And especially-don’t tell.” Don’t tell. I thought of all who have been exposed, physically and emotionally, without their consent, and then told not to tell- the victims of sexual assault and abuse. I started working on this sculpture in the midst of the #Me2 Movement, and I finished it the week news broke that 1,000 minors were sexually abused by 300 clergy over decades. And it was covered up. And now it is exposed.
Especially for children and adolescents, whose brains are still developing, abuse permanently changes the way their brains grow. Permanently. Forever. For most, their sense of safety is never the same as others. They live with imaginary targets on their backs that they try to rip off again and again.
I respond to this as a parent. I respond as a social worker, who saw the effects of childhood abuse in the eyes, tears and shaking bodies of even elderly adults. More than this, here it comes, I respond to this as a victim. I was a male 14 year old victim of sexual abuse from a non-relative. No, I should NOT have known better, even at that age. No, it was NOT my fault. And No, you may not ask me about it. (Yes, I’m ok.)
So why would I, a very private introvert, share something so private with the world? Because I can. Because what should have been covered was exposed without my consent, and what should have been exposed was kept covered. Because the shame I carried for decades was not mine, it belonged to my predator abuser. Because I am the 1 out of 6 males who was abused. Because I know that in a room of 12 men, 2 were victims. And because I want to use “Exposed” and this post somehow to offer healing to others, including female victims.
As you process this, my greatest hope and deepest prayer in these divisive times is that you will remember today, and every single day, what is best expressed by Carrie Newcomer in a yet unreleased song, “That’s the Way These Things Go.” (Gratefully used with Carrie Newcomer’s permission.)
“Be kind to everyone you meet, No matter what you see on the street, You don’t know what people live down deep.”
Peace and Joy,
Jeff
